In my time at EIU and as president of improv group Hello Dali!, I have been on both sides of the open mic experience. But thinking on it, I think people should leave the performing to the professionals.  

It physically pains me when someone doesn’t know what they’re doing up on stage. Watching it sends pain through my soul.

My main gripe is the lack of decent mic etiquette. This is crucial to a good performance. If you cannot handle the power you hold for the mere moments you have to perform, then just get off the stage.  

Let’s start with the basics. Be mindful of the audience more than anything. Without the audience you would have no reaction to tell you how your performance is.  

When you have the mic, the audience is at your mercy. Please respect them and be kind. You don’t have to make them part of your time on stage, and most of the time, it’s better if you don’t. Being up on stage is you agreeing with the audience that you are here to entertain. It’s a two-way street.

Karaoke is one thing and open mic is another. If you are going to sing a song, then please come a little prepared. At least look over the song, maybe even hum it a little. 

Can we please talk about crowd work, please? If you don’t know how to talk to people, please don’t take an open mic as an invitation to try figuring it out when you’re up on stage.  

When a performer throws up nothings of questions to the audience like “how is your day?” or “did you know…” Performers are not entitled to what audiences give you, and using crowd work as a clutch doesn’t work.

If the audience doesn’t respond properly. your set is ruined, and it is now the audience’s fault. Let’s not put that pressure on the audience.  

If you are a stand-up comedy performer, doing crowd work can be great, but if you are just winging it, it is not as entertaining as you think.

As I said before, not being prepared for an open mic is not good. Please practice before you perform. One liner to the audience on the fact they had a sandwich for lunch is not funny. Even the professionals are practiced, as natural as it might seem.

Now, lets talk about poets at open mics. At this point, you’re probably expecting me to rip them to shreds and say how they bore me, but you would be wrong. I respect poets more than any other performances at open mics.  

Poets have a poem ready to go. They say a few words, read the poem, may make a closing statement and leave. In and out, just like that. It is wonderful, peak performance even.  

If you take anything away from the words I have written here today, please take this piece of advice.

It is fun to perform, but not everyone needs to keep performing forever. Save your cringe for 4chan.

Gunnar Olson can be reached at 581-2812 or at deneic@gmail.com.