I came back to campus on Friday. The date was January 6, exactly four months before I graduate college in Lantz Arena at a time that is unfortunately unknown to me now.  

I had already been assigned a bit of work by some professors (please do not come for me; I wanted to do it, and I am excited for class) and did it over the weekend. I was also still able to relax before the rest of the craziness kicked in.  

Then I realized something: I will probably never be this relaxed or comfortable again. And by comfort, I mean that I will probably be moving to a city that I am unfamiliar with and have a very closed off frame of mind about.  

It is scary for me to think about all that I must do within the next four months: finish applying to graduate school, interview at the ones that are interested in me, finish my time here at EIU strong while working two jobs, amidst other things I am probably forgetting (which happens a lot when I get stressed like I am now).  

But I am also excited for this change. It will help me explore the things that I really want and need in life, in a career, and a place to move to after graduation from graduate school.  

I really spent a lot of time over break thinking, not that we did not all do that. I am sure we were not thinking about school (especially after final grades came out), but it is not like we all had the same thoughts at the same time.  

I started wondering and thinking about what would become of me after I graduated from EIU in four short months. I know that is a little morbid, but I feel like it could be something most people think about. 

What will happen if it turns out that I hate the career path that I choose? What happens if I cannot find a job in the career field of either my bachelor’s or master’s degree? What happens if I find jobs only in places that are unfeasible for me to live in due to things that are out of my control? 

While the uncertainty scares me, I know that there is no point in backing down from it. Not only will that not make me not stand out, but how am I supposed to grow as a person if I am not forced to grow by the world around me? 

Change usually does make me nervous, again because of factors outside of my control. However, I know that if I do not change, then I do not grow.  

Personally, I do not know what scares me more: being scared to grow or not growing at all. 

Katja Benz is a senior English major. She can be reached at kkbenz@eiu.edu or 217-581-2812.