I have a really busy summer between my internship, my senior seminar and writing for the DEN.

I have to take my internship “class” and my senior seminar this summer to graduate in May. And the fact that I graduate in 11 months is scary.

I have so much to do in these 11 months that I don’t even know where to begin. I have classes that I need to do well in to graduate, apply to graduate school and work, on top of maintaining a social life.

And for me, applying to graduate school is really scary. I have so many materials that I have to get ready for that I can’t even determine which one I should get first.

I want to be an academic advisor, and there’s a certain graduate degree I have to get called ‘College Student Affairs’, at least in Eastern’s degree catalog. Sometimes, it is called ‘Higher Education’ or ‘Higher Education Administration’, but it all depends on the school you go to.

When I applied to college for the first time, it was kind of easy. The high school I went to held our hand through the college application process, so students could manage easily.

And applying as a transfer student here was easy, too. The hardest part was getting both my high school and college transcripts over, but it wasn’t too hard.

But for grad school, nobody is going to hold my hand. I mean, that’s to be expected, as I’m an adult.

But any time I’ve applied to a college, it’s been easy. This time- not so much.

The last time I checked, applying itself will be the easiest part. It doesn’t include the letters of recommendation I have to ask for, transcripts I have to order, interviews I may have to attend and essay drafts explaining why being an advisor is something I’ve promised myself since I started college.

And I’m scared that everything will go downhill once I get to grad school. What if I get to the grad school I’m going to and drown in everything that’s expected of me?

What if I can’t be the advisor that I needed in high school and at my community college? What if I can’t advocate for those who need it? I know I can’t focus on all the negatives, but that’s almost impossible, as someone who has had to fight her entire life.

I want to help those college students who need it and who don’t have a voice. I want to advocate for those who can’t, so they don’t feel like me.

But I can be neither a voice nor an advocate for them if I drown in expectations and work. And if I can’t advocate for my past educational self, then who can I advocate for?

So, I ask, please challenge me while allowing me to help change the future of both the world and education as we know it.

Katja Benz is a senior English major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or at kkbenz@eiu.edu.