Editor’s note: This column contains spoilers to the movie “Fear” (1996).

Ever since I watched “Fear” last month I have had an urge to challenge Mark Wahlberg’s character, David, to a street fight. This urge has grown with each of the nine times I have watched the movie.

In fact, David has made be strongly evaluate my thoughts on the death penalty.

So many reasons have pushed me to think this way, but for the sake of everyone’s attention span, I shall list five:

5.) His face.

Good on Marky Mark for being able to act like a psychopath and truly pull off the facial expressions for one, but why is it that every time I see his dumb little smirk I want to call the police? The creep meter really goes off every time, even before we know that David is a murderous meth dealer.

It really makes me wonder though, what is Mark pulling from to create those faces? I can only hope he’s receiving therapy for whatever it is.

4.) His weird shirts.

Can someone please explain to me why all of David’s shirts must fit his body so tightly? I was worried he was going to rip one halfway through the movie.

Also, maybe it’s just because I’m from central Illinois, but that’s definitely not what meth dealers look like where I’m from. He looks so put together I expected him to be one his way to grandma’s house for breakfast before his date with the nice girl he met from Farmer’s Only.

It was just kind of a disappointment if you ask me. I was expecting a raggedy dealer, not John Deere himself.

3.) His accent.

Listen, I don’t want to say all Boston accents are horrible, but I have yet to find one that sounds good.

Maybe if the movie wasn’t set in Seattle, WA, it would make more sense for him to sound like he was born at Fenway Park.

Either way, the sound of his lines delivered in that accent just does not sit right with me.

4.) The sexual assault.

I don’t know how the creators of “Fear” were able to pack so much sexual assault into the storyline. To name a few, he raped a friend of the main character, dated a 16-year-old while being a 23-year-old and assaulted Nicole (Reese Witherspoon) in a public bathroom in attempt to profess his love to her. Yuck.

I would have hated his character without all of that but including all of his disgusting actions as a sexual predator, I despise him.

It wasn’t shocking as he was creep from the start, but it was upsetting nonetheless.

5.) Kaiser.

There are few movie scenes that have made my stomach drop like it did when Kaiser’s poor little decapitated dog head fell through his doggy door.

I screamed the first time I saw that scene because I thought of everyone in the movie, Kaiser was the safest.

I was wrong. Rest in peace, Kaiser. You were a good boy.

I hope David is rotting in whatever Hell exists in that movie’s universe because if he wasn’t I would have to find a way to get to that universe for a street fight. Place your bets on me; I’ve put a lot of thought into what would be necessary to win.

Corryn Brock is a junior journalism major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or at cebrock@eiu.edu.