There is no tomorrow.

At least that is what I and many adolescent youths who are not so much younger than I am convince our selves to believe especially when the going gets tough.

Oh sure, it is easy to think that being 20 means I am finally an adult and these thoughts of giving up on all my hopes and dreams should be far behind me.

I do, after all, pay bills, work several jobs and take on many responsibilities that could give me the full-grown adult who does “adulting” things because that is the adult thing to do label.

Yet, despite the jobs, the bills and the responsibilities that I have, I still do not feel like an adult because I still feel like there is no tomorrow and therefore no point to continue with the goals I established.

Of course, this thought pattern has plagued my mind since I was 16 and should be a vital indicator that I am far from an adult and honestly, I am perfectly fine with the fact (let us face it, I do not want to “grow up”).

I feel like I am in a terrible rut and it is too hard to come out of it so then why should I? Everyone seems to have an answer for why I should power through but it sucks knowing that the dreams you set up for yourself since you were a child have not come true yet and will not come true next semester.

Certainly, I can say “maybe next year,” but how many years am I allowed to say that before the thought of fulfilling the dream turns into “maybe sometime?”

Yes, I suppose you could say I am being a baby and perhaps I am. Perhaps I am not looking on the brighter side of things and I should “act my age,” and realize that this set back is only temporary and so on and so forth.

But, what other “adults” do not tell you is that for once it is OK to cry about it. It is OK to complain for a while because even though you tried and tried to pull yourself over the finish line and finally conquer what you said you would so long ago some other bloody obstacle knocked you back about 200 yards and you feel hopeless.

Yes, I am angry and I am aggravated beyond imaginable but I am not sharing this to seek a pity fest.

What I am saying is this: sometimes it is OK to think that life is over because something did not turn out as planned and it is OK to cry about it for a bit, but that does not allow us the chance to give up entirely and wither away in our own self pity.

So, I will continue to cry about my unexpected “change of plans” as I did every year I have been here at this university and continue to feel bad for myself, but not for long.

My mother always had this saying in Spanish that she would shout at my siblings and I whenever we beat ourselves up almost to the point of no return and it translates, roughly, into “get-up and pull yourself together.”

Life sucks and I am going to cry about it especially since I have held it in for so long I think I earned a tear or two but I will move on and I will not give up. I just hope you will do the same.

Analicia Haynes is a junior journalism major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or achaynes@eiu.edu.