Just a month after I was born, my military family was given orders to move out of state. It seemed, perhaps immediately, that I was predestined to develop anxiety about being away from home.

I believe the problem developed because my family never truly developed a permanent idea of a “home” until my father retired from the Marine Corps and we were allowed the luxury of coexisting in a house for more than a few years at a time. While my story may differ from others’ cases of homesickness, nothing can truly capture how exhausting, traumatizing and embarrassing the internal conflict of homesickness can be.

My anxiety launched as a child when I first began receiving invites to typical childhood slumber parties. I vividly remember rising into a panic at the thought of leaving my family for even such a small amount of time. After a few visits to the doctor, I began taking medicines to calm my nerves and was able to survive being away from home.

The most humiliating part of these attacks was pretending to fill the role of the typical adolescent girl at a sleepover while deep inside, I wanted to run back to my house and seek comfort in my family. This attachment issue became even larger as I got older and my parents began to fear what may become of me when forced to face long distance trips at school and the overbearing fear of going off to college.

I survived freshman year with fewer panic attacks than I had originally expected. As my years in college advanced, I noticed a newfound confidence that I had adapted with finally being able to embrace being on my own.

Now that I am in the last semester of my senior year of college, I often think back to these moments when I felt so vulnerable and alone. I wish I could revisit my former terrified freshman self and reassure her that homesickness is a blessing in disguise.

In my own experience, once I accepted my anxieties of being away from home, I was allowed to explore what the world outside of home had to offer. I can now proudly announce my ambitions to travel abroad after college and I hope to someday create my own form of home and family.

My advice to those battling homesickness at college or wherever they may be is that one must accept that a part of growing up is creating one’s own separate version of a “home.” At school, I have developed such a strong support system of friends and classmates that seemed to help fill the heavy void left from my family.

Although some days make coping seem impossible, branching out and accepting one’s independence truly allows for expression that could not be possible within the comforts of home. Being away at school has made me realize the refreshing amount of power there exists in having one’s own responsibilities and the ability to make personal decisions. My battle with homesickness put me in control of my insecurities and allowed me to finally take on the role of an independent adult.

Sierra Falk is a senior English language arts major. She can be reached at 581-2812 or stfalk@eiu.edu.