This weekend is a happening time for my family.

My wife and I will be driving back to our hometowns-we are six miles apart and high school rivals-to celebrate some family events.

College students everywhere know, or at least better know, that Sunday is Father’s Day.

Getting married increased the number of fathers in my life by 50 percent, which in turn increases the quantity of gifts that must be bought.

Also, June 18 marks the day that my two younger brothers were born. Yes, they are twins. And on top of that, my dad’s birthday was three days ago.

All of this got me thinking.

What can a broke Eastern couple get their fathers and brothers as gifts?

An Open Palm

This one really only applies to the fathers.

Everyone knows college students need cash, so why not be upfront about it?

I figure I should greet my father, give him a double-fist-tap man hug and politely ask him for funds.

The greatest gift of all is to give unto others, isn’t it?

Ramen Noodle Sculptures

If there is one thing that I have plenty of in my apartment, it has to be Ramen noodles. They are so cheap and yet somehow delicious!

I figure I can afford to give up some of these golden blocks of sustenance to create a work of art to celebrate the special occasions.

Is Michelangelo’s Sculpture of David or a bust of Chuck Norris too high of an aspiration? Yes, I did just plug in a Chuck Norris bit. My bad.

Last Semester’s Term Paper

Sure, this might not work for fathers, but my brothers could use an essay or two, no doubt!

Their history teacher may wonder why their paper is on photojournalism, but oh well, right?

(The Daily Eastern News does not condone plagiarism or cheating of any kind. This was just a poor attempt at humor by a below average columnist.)

Jordan Boner can be reached at 581-7942 or at