It is time, once again, for finals. After putting everything off until the last minute, time is forcing our hand, so now we actually have to work.

Worry not, fellow students. Finals week does not have to be stressful. Here are some tips on how to get through the week alive.

Drink massive amounts of alcohol

Finals can be stressful. You have to study, do papers and sit in front of the computer. So many things are printed out this week all across the country, that it is the single reason we are getting rid of rain forests (This probably isn’t true because I just made it up, but it sounds pretty accurate).

In order to combat the stressfulness, all you really need to do is get drunk. When one drinks alcohol, all the pressures of life melt away. So open your book, grab a beer or 12 and start studying. When doing this, you won’t realize how long you have been studying and it will allow you to do it for hours at a time. As anyone who has gotten drunk before can attest, getting drunk makes things easier to remember. How many times have you woken up not hung over and remembered everything that happened last night. Never!

Plus, drinking makes books more interesting. Especially text books because they are the leading cause of suicide, behind the CW and country music.

Watch TV or movie while you study

Reading is boring. That is why nobody read the “Harry Potter” books and just waited for the movies to come out (I did this, so I am going to assume everyone else did). However, TV and movies are interesting because they don’t require you to use waste your strength using your imagination.

So, as you are about to study, turn on your favorite television show or movie. This will make you feel comfortable while studying and make things more fun. If studying is overwhelming, all one needs to do is glance up at the screen and all your problems with boredom go away.

Study in public places like bars and rock concerts

Studying can be a lonely thing. When one studies they usually head to a library or a quiet place where they can concentrate.

I feel like that’s a bad thing. Go someplace that is social and loud. It is easier to concentrate when you are trying to avoid outside annoyances. Plus, you will be able converse with other people so you will be less pissed that you have to learn about the scientific management of companies.

Rock concerts are ideal because there are limited distractions besides people, loud music, hippies and the idiots who are too drunk and dance by themselves in front of the stage. (On a side note I want to join a band, because people in a band can wear whatever they want and no one bats an eye. If a guy wants to wear leather pants, the top part of a monkey suit and the fat kid’s hat from “A Christmas Story” it is fine as long as he or she plays bass.)

I hope this is helpful to those out there getting ready for finals. Good luck!

Dan Cusack is a junior journalism major. He can be reached at DEnopinions@gmail.com or 581-7942. Though, one should not listen to any advice he offers.