I’m a bit of an insomniac.

I really shouldn’t be, because for some reason I scheduled all my classes early this semester. I start at 9 or 9:30 a.m. every day, but that doesn’t prevent me from going to bed at 3 a.m.

I have noticed an alarming trend with late-night television. All the commercials try to scare the hell out of you.

I would not say that I believe in ghosts or aliens but that doesn’t mean they do not freak me out.

The thought that someone is sitting there, watching me when I sleep, walking around and going through my DVDs sends a chill up my spine. I know Jesus does it, but I give him a pass because of the whole crucifixion thing.

I have never seen a ghost, but I have woken up seven or eight times to throw my pillow at absolutely nothing to protect myself. (I do not understand my own logic here, even if there were a ghost, would a pillow really protect me? I think it would just anger it.)

So, of course, TV networks think this is the perfect time to show the trailers for all their ghost movies. Even when it is not Halloween season, they market these movies at night, when I’m alone in my basement-hole of a bedroom in prime position for a ghost attack.

On a side note, if ghosts are real, I want to come back and haunt everyone I know. What would be more fun then hiding your buddy’s keys or insulin as he sleeps and every morning seeing him try to figure out where you put them.

The one that seems to come up on every commercial break is that new movie “2012” with John Cusack. Even though he has a great last name, just seeing him on screen is terrifying because I start thinking about how brutal his acting is.

So yes, when I am falling asleep I want to hear I am going to die in two years and that the only one who can save me is John Cusack. If that’s the case, this planet should just pack it up now, we’ve had a good run.

Next, there are two new movies out where people are getting attacked in their sleep. So when I am trying to enjoy “Futurama,” I get to see people getting mauled while they sleep in the trailers of “Fourth Kind” and “Paranormal Activity.” I am not as scared of aliens as ghosts, mostly because they are friends with Will Smith and he seems like a nice guy.

Giveme the Freecreditreport.com commercial. At least that is somewhat catchy and does not make me sleep with my eyes open.

Finally, trying to watch a late-night movie on TBS is terrifying. I am minding my own business trying to watch a Jason Lee movie or something and – bam – George Lopez.

In case you aren’t aware, Lopez has been given his own talk show. We have plenty of hard-working talented people without jobs in this country, and George Lopez, the untalented hack who ruined “Nick at Nite” for me, is back on TV every night on two channels.

The thought of that is more terrifying than being abducted by alien ghosts in my sleep, while John Cusack is trying to fight a hurricane outside to save the world.

Dan Cusack is a junior journalism major and can be reached at 581-7944 or dscusack@eiu.edu.