Doug DiBianco didn’t find out that his wife was gay until she was in her 40s.

DiBianco talked about being gay himself and how it impacts family life in an EIU Pride panel discussion Thursday night at the Seventh Street Underground.

The die-hard Boston Red Sox fan and adviser to EIU Pride missed the World Series to speak alongside 17-year-old first-time member Jen Farkas and English instructor Lynanne Page.

“I told her (my wife) I was gay; I didn’t want to hide that,” DiBianco said. “But she didn’t come out to herself until she was in her 40s. Eventually, we split up for about six years, and then we got back together again, and we were just happy to live together. And we’re good friends.”

Fielding a question from a Pride member, DiBianco said having gay parents could make someone more open-minded.

Page, also a gay parent, expanded the answer on how to coach a child to have an open mind about homosexuality.

“I think their parents’ coaching depends on how open they are to being out,” Page said. “So if I’m out to my friends, and I’m out to my family, and I’m out to everyone that asks me, she’ll see I’m comfortable with that, and she’s going to see how people react to it.”

Farkas, the child of a lesbian parent, said she struggled with accepting that her mother was a lesbian, mainly because she grew up in a Christian environment.

Jen came to accept her mother’s orientation. She said her mom wants her to be happy and has never tried to raise her a certain way.

What has changed for Jen, however, has been the church she attends. While still attending a Lutheran church, she decided to attend a church that accepts her and her mom.

“They may not agree with it, but they don’t close the doors to me, and they don’t close their doors to my mom,” Farkas said of their new church.

Page had similar opinions with her family when she came out. The one she mentioned was of her sister’s remarks.

“‘I’m so disappointed for you; I’m so disappointed for you; I’m so disappointed for you,'” Page said her sister said to her after she found out Page was gay.

Page said that being a gay parent, it is difficult to control the ramifications of being gay.

Every speaker seemed to agree that things are getting better for the gay, lesbian and transgender communities.

DiBianco says he is still in love with his wife.

“It seems that you fall in love with a person, not a gender,” he said.

Improvement has been made in society. DiBianco said while growing up in the 1950s and 60s, one could not even admit being gay to oneself. Now, hotlines and discussions are available for support.

“I used to tell my classes that a third of the population was left handed; a tenth of the population was black; and a tenth of the population was gay. And I used to tell them I’m a member of one of those minority groups and I’m right-handed,” DiBianco said as the audience laughed. “And, now, I just tell them up-front that, you know, I’m gay, and if you have a problem with that, don’t take this class.”

Doug DiBianco, a professor from the music department, talks about his struggles of being gay and how it has affected his family life at an EIU Pride panel discussion Thursday night in the Seventh Street Underground. Kevin Kenealy/The Daily Eastern News

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