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The student news site of Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, Illinois.

The Daily Eastern News

The student news site of Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, Illinois.

The Daily Eastern News

Triple Threat: Three smart animals

Officials are often compared to zebras because of their black and white-striped shirts and black pants.

After Eastern’s men’s basketball game Saturday night, the referees looked more like a donkey (just think of what else a donkey could be called and you get the point).

While human beings are used as referees, we think animals could also do a decent job.

Just think of Mr. Ed, Abu from “Aladdin” or Lassie.

They were all smart animals.

While these were all works of fiction, here are some real-life animals that we think Ohio Valley Conference Commissioner Jon Steinbrecher (above) could hire to referee basketball games.

1. Dolphins – Please, hire Flipper. A dolphin wouldn’t have a hard time throwing up the opening tip. Just flick it with their nose and the game is started. Yes, games would have to be played underwater, but that’s just a minor inconvenience. Just imagine the site of Bill Senese training Bobby Catchings.

2. Prairie Dogs – These little critters are masters of extremely detailed language. They would have no problem deciphering the wonderfully complex jargon of basketball coaches. Instead of hearing “@#!@#@$%#^&%,” all prairie dogs would hear is, “I strongly disagree with your call and wish you hadn’t made it.”

3. Ravens – These birds are good at problem-solving skills. Thus, they would have filled in admirably last year when Eastern lost to Tennessee Tech because officials counted a basket after they blew their whistle. Here’s how a raven would analyze this problem. “Well, we blew our whistle, thus stopping play, meaning the shot that went in after we blew our whistle doesn’t count. And they say rocket science is hard.”

Triple Threat: Three smart animals

Triple Threat: Three smart animals

Ohio Valley Conference Commissiioner Jon Steinbrecher. (File photo/The Daily Eastern News)

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