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The student news site of Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, Illinois.

The Daily Eastern News

The student news site of Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, Illinois.

The Daily Eastern News

Pollack’s experience in jokes

On the performance day, Eric Pollock, a 23-year-old part-time comedian, drove from Huntingdon, Penn. in which he went from a mountain range to flat plains and nothing but fields.

“This is the reasoning why cruise control was made,” Pollock said during his Friday night performance at 7th Street Underground.

As the night continued under the stage lights, Pollock has a car that has a car identity crisis. He owns a used tracker that has both SUV and mid-size compact car features. Over the last two years, he has had problems with the car in which he wished he got a car fax report, in which he compares it to dating a girl.

Fart jokes never get old, and according to Pollock they are a funny thing that God made. The comedian talked about his first date with this one girl and why he did not walk her to the door or go up to her room. Pollock’s reasoning was that he was holding in his farts from the whole night and when she left the car, he sat there farting. Unfortunately she came back to get her purse, and smelled the awful odor from the cracked window.

Pollock was not afraid to go beyond the lines of talking about religion and race. He said he liked young people in which he made reference to the recent act of Catholic priests.

“I have no problems with the Catholics,” Pollock said.

Pollock is a computer programmer for Erie Insurance, because being a comedian does not pay the bills. While at work, one of his co-workers would not do anything physically straining because she is kind of big. She would respond to anyone asking her to help raise money by saying, “I didn’t get this big ‘a-ass’ by doing that.”

One day his boss asked her to run a file downstairs and she tuned to Pollock and asked him why she wouldn’t do it. Pollock responded with her common phrase, which caused him to be sent to the human resources office for the rest of the day.

Pollock is late for work everyday due to children slowly wandering across the street to the school bus. Children, Pollock said, are getting dumber and dumber due to over protection. Children are not paying attention to traffic, due to bus’s new safety features.

“I look left, look right, and look left just in case something came while I looking right” Pollock said about his old rule.

He talked about taking the safety devices off the buses for children to learn the hard way.

“If Little Johnnie dies because he wasn’t looking.” Pollock said, “It is called natural selection.”

Society’s new technology widens the gap of natural selection for the older generation. Pollock bought his father an answering machine because he was tired of having to call every fifteen minutes to get a hold of his dad. Later on, he received a call from his dad, saying he wanted a more personalized answering machine message. Pollock told his dad to push the button to record his voice, and then fifteen seconds later the machine would beep to end the recorded message. But the recorded messages got shorter and shorter as his father’s patience shortened.

“In the end all the machine said was ‘GO'” Pollack said.

Pollock’s mom wanted to talk with him more, so he set up an AIM name for her. Pollock’s joke occurred one day as he was in the shower. His mother saw he was online and had typed in “What are you doing Eric?”

Eric’s auto-response, “I’m not going to lie. I’m scrubbing my nuts.”

“Why would you say that to your mother?” his mother’s responded.

Diedre Mapes, junior English major and winner of a T-shirt from UB, appreciated Pollock’s humor.

“I really liked the IM and the Answering Machine jokes,” she said.

Pollack’s experience in jokes

Pollack's experience in jokes

Jay Grabiec/Daily Eastern News Comedian Eric Pollak performs his set at the 7th St. Underground on Friday night.

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