Short skirts. Tight shirts. Loud moaning. Hot Russian blondes.

That’s women tennis in a nutshell these days.

Women’s tennis is competitive, and the matches are entertaining to watch, but who can focus when Anna Kournikova is letting out noises that should be for Enrique Iglesias’s ears only.

While Anna might have started the loud moaning tennis-hottie trend, her peers with actual tennis talent, Maria Sharapova and the Williams sisters, have continued it.

Like Michael Jordan’s signature tongue wagging made it’s way to schoolyard courts, the grunting phenomenon has worked its way to even the most desolate of places-Charleston.

Each of the women on Eastern’s tennis team has her own distinct style of grunt.

Some are quiet and collected. Some are loud and aggressive, but a few are so distinctive that you could be 100 feet away and know exactly what is happening in their match.

Sophomore Sandra Sasidharan has arguably the most talent on the team and definitely the most unique grunt.

As she follows through on her shots, she lets loose a karate-style “aye-yah” yell that you would never expect to come out of such a small package.

But is all of it really necessary? It might just be a natural occurrence for some people when they exert large amounts of force and effort, but is all the moaning taking away from the sport?

When the president of the Federation Internationale de Football Association, Sepp Blatter, actually suggests that female soccer players should “play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball,” couldn’t it be possible that Nike offered to pay Williams more money if she spiced up her sets with some grunting?

Blatter continues to say “female players are pretty, and they already have some different rules than men – such as playing with a lighter ball – so why not do it in different fashion.”

When a Swiss man, whose country has been neutral more times than a driver’s ed car, says something so inflammatory, more people have to be thinking the same thing than just good ole boy Sepp.

The amount of attention and coverage that Serena Williams got from wearing her now infamous “cat suit” shows just how marketable sexy athletes can be.

Women’s tennis was popular in the 1980’s with the amazing play of Martina Navratilova drawing in many fans. Navratilova is not in the least attractive like the current tennis stars, but her amazing talent made her famous.

Kournikova earned fame and fortune unlike any other tennis player prior to her, without winning a single major tournament. Navratilova’s career record is 1440-213 with 167 career titles, but that does not get as much attention as the 3-inch skirts Sharapova wears. At least Sharapova has the ability to win (i.e. her victory at Wimbeldon in 2004), but she still garners more attention for her scandalous posters and calendars.

As long as advertising companies would rather focus on the beauty of a female athlete, rather than her talent, women’s tennis players might as well just moan “ka-ching” with every swing. Because the sexier they are, the more popular tennis becomes and the bigger the profits get-but for all the wrong reasons.

If you would like to schedule an appointment to hear Joe’s signature moan, you can contact him at jwal717@yahoo.com