Much of the college experience is epitomized by personal interaction, but for some of the more lovelorn throughout campus, smoky bars and cheesy mixers just don’t cut it.

Desperate times, and desperate men, often call for desperate measures. And while these suggestions could be used by either sex, let’s just be honest for a moment and realize only men would even think to stoop to the following levels. If love can’t find you, look in a few unconventional locales.

– Church:

Here’s your chance to turn a dreary house of God into a happenin’ house of love. Church may not be the first place one might look for love, but there’s a horde of unseen upsides. For starters, everyone is, or at least should be, dressed relatively well. This lets you know right away who cleans up nicely and who failed to read that bit about cleanliness being next to Godliness.

Church also offers the opportunity for a good icebreaker and a whole hour to get to know someone. Try something like, “So I see you like Jesus. I like Jesus too; we should hang out.” And if that fails try the ever popular “I have a piece of the True Cross back at my place. After this is done you wanna’ swing by and see it?”

There’s wine, food (or at least Communion wafers that are kinda like snack treats), comfy pews and a free show. Church might be as close to a night at the theater as you’re going to find in this town. In fact, church is like a cheap date every Sunday morning.

– The Library:

Nothing’s sexier than smarts, right? At least that’s what everyone is told by those who either don’t know any better or are just horrible liars.

Booth is arguably the nicest building on this campus, so hunker down in one of its plush leather chairs with a cup of coffee and wait. Once you spy a prospective mate perusing through your favorite numbers in the Dewey Decimal System, you can spring in with a nifty tidbit of information or a helpful suggestion.

What a person reads also tells a lot about them. If you catch someone flipping through a copy of “Ulysses” or a tome of Euripides or Kerouac, you’ve found a winner. Those found holding the likes of “The Cat in the Hat” or “Cosmopolitan” can be automatically cut.

And if this rouse doesn’t pan out, at least you can get a little reading done.

– The Self Help section of any bookstore:

Nothing says “available” like someone with deep-seeded emotional trauma, self esteem issues or some other neurosis. Looking through the self help section says one thing: vulnerable. Feel free to use this to any advantage.

Try starting a conversation about the antidepressants either of you may be on, the ineptitude of your respective shrinks or a mutual love of late night Tony Robbins infomercials. And if that fails, fake a problem and ask him or her to start a support group.

– The Counseling Center:

This coincides with the bookstore idea, but is geared toward those without cars or simply without the drive to leave campus. Some call it predatory and just plain wrong, but it’s more like helping someone work through trauma and distress with a little tender, loving care.

– Homes for the Blind:

This actually sounds a lot worse than it is. Let’s face it, sometimes the mere act of a prospective mate seeing you can be a complete deal breaker. So if beauty isn’t a strong point, find those for whom beauty isn’t an issue. The only downside is you’ll be relying largely on your voice, so this works best if you have a golden voice to accompany the proverbial “radio face.”

And if a blind match doesn’t pan out, you can always rearrange the furniture in his or her apartment before calling it quits.

(Editor’s note: Some of these are immoral, irrational or damn near outright illegal; and if they’re not, maybe they should be.)