The first Grammy Award ceremony was held on May 4, 1959, in the Grand Ballroom of the Beverly Hills Hotel. There were a mere 28 award categories at the ceremony’s inception.

Since then, however, the ceremony has ballooned to a whopping 105 categories honoring everyone from the musicians to producers to the people responsible for linear notes accompanying albums.

All this really means is nearly anyone even remotely associated with the music business may eventually be up for a Grammy. And if tracking the Grammys has shown anything, it’s that the men and women behind the awards often play favorites each year, stacking nominations toward specific artists.

Beyonce, her better half Jay-Z and Atlanta hip hoppers OutKast top the 2004 nominees with six each, while 50 Cent, Luther Vandross and pseudo-altrock pop stars Evanescence all received five Grammy nods.

Who may actually run away with the night’s top awards is anyone’s guess, but here is one man’s predictions on who will be taking statue gold away from America’s most mediocre award show:

Record of the Year: And the nominees are…

-“Crazy In Love”

Beyonce Featuring Jay-Z

-“Where Is The Love?”

The Black Eyed Peas & Justin Timberlake

-“Clocks”

Coldplay

-“Lose Yourself”

Eminem

-“Hey Ya!”

OutKast

And the winner is:

OutKast “Hey Ya” will win if only to celebrate one of the most prurient pop hits in recent memory whose lyrics flew well below the radar of the average geriatric, top 40-loving Grammy voter.

Album of the Year: And the nominees are…

-“Under Construction”

Missy Elliott

-“Fallen”

Evanescence

-“Speakerboxxx/The Love Below”

OutKast

-“Justified”

Justin Timberlake

-“Elephant”

The White Stripes

And the winner is:

Justin Timberlake will probably win for his mediocre and disposable brand of blue-eyed soul that’s always so endearing to Grammy voters, but the award rightfully belongs to The White Stripes even if they are the most overhyped, overrated one-trick pony in the past 30 years.

Song of the Year: And the nominees are…

-“Beautiful”

Linda Perry, songwriter (Christina Aguilera)

-“Dance With My Father”

Richard Marx & Luther Vandross, songwriters (Luther Vandross)

-“I’m With You”

Avril Lavigne & The Matrix, songwriters (Avril Lavigne)

-“Keep Me In Your Heart”

Jorge Calderon & Warren Zevon, songwriters (Warren Zevon)

-“Lose Yourself”

J. Bass, M. Mathers & L. Resto, songwriters (Eminem)

And the winner is:

Aguilera already owns multiple Grammys, so that may endear her to voters. But what Grammy voters love more than anything is trying to look hip even if it makes them look stupid. Zevon and Em go to-to-toe for this one with Eminem coming out on top.

And if Lavigne wins, the final sign of the apocalypse has come; bring on the blood-red sun and massive catastrophe.

Best new artist: And the nominees are…

-Evanescence

-50 Cent

-Fountains Of Wayne

-Heather Headley

-Sean Paul

And the winner is:

For starters, Fountains of Wayne has already released three albums, so the group is automatically disqualified in my book.

As much as it hurts to admit, the human cockroach known as 50 Cent will almost definitely bring this one home. And if he wins all five categories in which he is nominated Sunday night, he can finally gold plate his requisite bulletproof vest in the ultimate display of bling.

Best Hard Rock Performance: And the nominees are…

-“Like A Stone”

Audioslave

-“Bring Me To Life”

Evanescence Featuring Paul McCoy

-“Straight Out Of Line”

Godsmack

-“Just Because”

Jane’s Addiction

-“Go With The Flow”

Queens Of The Stone Age

And the winner is:

Kudos to Grammy voters for nominating one of the softest and most unrocking tracks on Audioslave’s self-titled debut, but the category is “HARD rock” for a reason.

And while it would be wonderful to see a beautifully subversive acceptance speech from Audioslave’s outspoken guitarist Tom Morello, Queens of the Stone Age are easily the hardest rocking of this bunch. And the prospect of Stone Ages’ Josh Homme coming on stage with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other to flip off the audience is too good to miss.

Most of this, however, is mere wishful thinking as Warren Zevon, Eminem and 50 will probably run away with more than they deserve and again disappoint fans and the industry.